Heta Express
by Pecore-Nere
Summary: Gilbert Weillschmidt was unemployed and flat out broke. That is, before a Frenchmen offered him a very wealthy job as an 'escort'. How will he deal with his customers - who quite often wasn't even a woman? AU, multiple pairings. Rating may go up.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its characters.

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**Chapter I**

"Get outta here, you're fired!" the angry man shrieked as he pointed a particular finger to the youth standing in front of him.

"Jeez, old man, if you keep on actin' like that, you'll catch a heart attack in no time," the youth grumbled as he ran his hand through his silver hair. His red eyes were glaring furiously at the long haired blond that was glaring back at him.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Store. _Now_," the blond yelled every syllable at the top of his lungs, pointing his finger to the open door leading to the busy street outside.

"Geez, okay, okay! Mein Gott..." the youth dropped the tire he was fixing from his hands. The deflated tire bumped onto the dirty floor with a dull '_thunk_' and rolled over across the room. With the blond still glaring at his back, the youth walked limply toward the door with his back slumped.

Outside, the blaring sound of cars honking and people cursing at the unbearable traffic welcomed him. The hot summer sun glared viciously, sending strokes of heat wave hot enough to boil eggs hard. Pollution hung over the crowded street like storm clouds, choking people passing through the sidewalks. It was not a good day to stay outside, and certainly a bad day to get fired from your 22nd job of the year.

Gilbert Weillschmidt stood limply in front of the busy service station; sweat trickling down his cheek and making his silver hair all sticky with sweat. His red eyes stared emptily at the hustling cars passing through. He was fired for the umpteenth time from his job. The last time, it was a restaurant; now, it's a car service station. All of his jobs seemed to always end rather disastrously. He was lucky that his older brother was kind enough to let him stay in his house.

As Gilbert walked limply to his rotten motorcycle parked beside the store, he was contemplating over his past jobs…

_When he worked in a restaurant, he accidentally set the whole kitchen on fire…_

_When he worked in a department store, he accidentally dumped a whole batch of branded shoes into the incinerator…_

_When he worked in a pet shop, he accidentally set all the dogs off their cages, causing them to run amok around the store…_

Needless to say, he got himself fired from all those jobs, accompanied by very interesting curses from his past bosses.

"_You're useless! Get outta here! I'll cook all those truffles by myself rather than letting a brat like you cook them!"_

"_You idiot! Do you even have a brain in that empty head of yours? Did you even know how much those Manolo Blahnik heels costs?"_

"_Fuck off, you idiot! You're fired! Now, don't give me that look, or I'll call the security!"_

Not a very uplifting thought, certainly.

"I'm awesome… I'm awesome… I'm awesome…" Gilbert chanted like a mantra, trying to kick away all the depressing thought from his mind. The thing he needed to do was to find a new job straight away, not sulking away in some corner. Besides, all those people who told him he was useless were fools, for how could the awesome Gilbert possibly be useless?

As the German tried to kick his motorcycle awake, however, he failed to notice a blond man stalking behind him. The blond got shoulder length wavy hair and deep blue eyes staring with deep interest at the youth. He clucked his tongue and approached the German who was cursing at his decrepit motorcycle.

"Say, mon cher. Just got fired from your job, oui?" the blond sang as he tapped the German's shoulder lightly.

"Wha..? Mein Gott, what the hell are you doing stalking behind me like that?" Gilbert jolted at the touch and turned around swiftly only to come face to face with the blond.

"Answer my question, s'il vous plait?" the blond winked at the confused youth.

"Well, yeah, I just got fired. Got any problem with that?" Gilbert grumbled as he turned back to his motorcycle, his eyebrows furrowing in irritation. "_What the hell is this guy's problem, asking questions like that?_" he thought irritably.

"Would you care to work in my place, mon cher?"

Gilbert's eyes widened in surprise and he turned around from the stuck vehicle immediately. "What did you just say?" He furrowed his eyebrows curiously.

"Well, let's start by introducing ourselves, oui? My name is Francis Bonnefoy, and you are..?"

"Gilbert. Gilbert Weillschmidt," Gilbert answered, glaring suspiciously at the taller man.

"Gilbert? My, what a lovely name. My customers sure will like you," the Frenchman flashed a very shiny smile at Gilbert.

"What is this job you're talking about, huh?" Gilbert asked curiously as he leaned his motorcycle back to the wall along the sidewalk.

"Well, it is a very pleasant job with a very high wage with minimum work hours," Francis smiled wider; his eyes glinted in a very suspicious manner.

Gilbert cocked one of his eyebrows curiously. "What is it?" he asked.

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"WHAT? BECOME A GIGOLO?" Gilbert yelled so hard that his throat ached. "ARE YOU MAD, YOU SHIT?"

"My, my, calm down, mon cher Gilbert," the Frenchman tried to calm Gilbert down, patting his back soothingly. Gilbert immediately flinched from the touch and backed away frantically.

"Get away from me, damnit! You French psycho!" Gilbert yelled; his red eyes widened in anger and fear as he scrambled with his motorcycle. He immediately got on the vehicle and started its engines. It rumbled heavily, spraying clouds of gas into the already polluted air. "I'm leaving! Now, don't you dare follow me ever again!" He screamed, earning several questioning glances from a few passersby. "Damn, I knew there's something hella suspicious about you!"

The decrepit motorcycle zoomed past the Frenchman immediately as Gilbert gassed, but being a rotten vehicle it was, its speed was barely enough to keep the Frenchman at least 3 meters away. Instead, he ran along, following the frantic youth riding his motorcycle. "Listen to me, mon cher! At least think about it, non?" he yelled at the frantic German who was trying desperately to get away as far as possible.

"Like hell I will! You're sick, dude!" he yelled back over his shoulder at the Frenchman.

"I couldn't just let you go, mon cher! Not an awesomely perfect young man like you! Woman and man alike will flock from all over the country to meet you!" Francis yelled desperately, his face flustered as he tried to keep up with the slowly speeding vehicle.

When he heard the word 'awesome', Gilbert's hand clenched immediately on the brake, causing his motorcycle to skid into a stop. Turning his head reluctantly to face the panting Frenchman, he whispered hoarsely, "How much are you willing to pay the awesome me?"

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**A/N: This is more like a prologue, I know. It's so short it barely passed over 1,000 words. Anyway, this is just something that came into my mind after I watched a movie that dated back three years ago. Trust me, at first this was merely a fantasy I used to think before I went to bed until I decided to just write it down. So tell me, what do you think? Should I continue it or not? =_=" Oh, and btw, I think this will contain both yaoi and hetero pairings, just so you know. Oh, and expect some… Umm… Perhaps some lemon? Just a warning. Anyway, reviews and constructive criticisms will be greatly appreciated so I can improve my writings! :D**

**Oh, and some minor French translations:**

**Mon cher – My dear**

**Oui – Yes **

**S'il vous plait – Please **

**Non – No**


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